she smelled like a LAN party
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
