1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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