A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
