1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
