I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
