I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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