Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
