is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
