Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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