can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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