I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
