I wish I only lived at night.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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