Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
