dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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