You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
