The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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