I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
