you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
