i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
