I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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