She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
