I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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