Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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