My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We left the knife in your bed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize