Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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