I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i believe in u and ur pee
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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