Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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