there's paper in my vomit.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
