Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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