i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
