Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
