I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize