Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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