Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
