you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
