Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
