Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
