There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
