she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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