Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
