It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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