I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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