those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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