Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
