Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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