stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
