I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
