Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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