I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
