Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
