Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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