My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
