Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
two words...techno handjob
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
