So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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