Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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