hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
