I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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