What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
