So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize