College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
cat food counts as protein by the way
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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