PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
