Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
