you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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