dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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