I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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