Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
