So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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