She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
