But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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