you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
