Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
