he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
