Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
