the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
