No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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