Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He did a backflip because drugs
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
