Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
