It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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