do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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