Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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