It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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