can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
