Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i out mim tonsoeep
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
