Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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