I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
