I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Soap is not a condiment
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am one with the molecules
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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