Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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