dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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