he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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