ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
