Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
