the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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