You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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