He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
