If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
