Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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