Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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