well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
