Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
