I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
