I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize