I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
