Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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