every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
